this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
