You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize