We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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