My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize