Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
