oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize