The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Even my vagina gasped.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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