sarcasm needs its own font
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
