what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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