Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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