just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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