Apparently you make a good broom.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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