I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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