just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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