You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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