It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
