He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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