I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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