Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
