i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
