I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize