I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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