I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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