'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
