We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
