If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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