Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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