my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
