Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
is that a dick in a sweater?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
