GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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