I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
