First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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