piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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