dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
