You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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