Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
