Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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