Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
