Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
