too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
