you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
