Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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