my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
