babies were throwing up all over the place
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
