Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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