he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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