Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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