I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
