mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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