Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
