Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
