just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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