he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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