I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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