My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
