i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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