I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
