That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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