So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
