We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
