I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
