fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
