i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
