I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
