Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
